April 1
I watched a move called "the Pistol" about a boy who started playing basketball at 7 and mastered the game by age 13. He spent over 10,000 hours perfecting his skills. I know these Getting Unstuck processes are a lifetime of "practice" and I intend to train these skills hourly. Pete Marovich is the boy who became a star! The first 2 minutes of the movie are worth the life's lessons spoken there and the remainder will show what daily drilling can do to change one's future.
April 3
What I recorded:
This is the first time in my life I’m not afraid; not afraid of dying; not afraid of disappointing my children; I’m not afraid of being alive; I’m not afraid of speaking my thoughts. I thought I could be a really good partner with Don and now he’s afraid that his deal won’t go through, he’s super sensitive. I’m taking the Fear to Freedom course looking at what’s keeping me stuck and unstuck. I wanted to clean up my clutter. I don’t even care about aging right now. There are so many people I could help if I was open to calling them and discussing their personal stuff. I’m afraid I won’t be able to be myself with Don because it will put him off quilter and make him less powerful. I’ve been so open to him increasing his power in let him see who he really he is. Now he told me he didn’t want my opinion, he didn’t want me to give any logical answer, he didn’t even want to talk to me. He said it was about being “tired of taking about it” which means he doesn’t trust me to be a good listener. My throat is so chocked and I’m so unhappy that I would be a bad partner. I can’t tell him I’ve been closing my mouth for two years about this partnership. I haven’t told him about ways being an enabler, about ways he could stop those things. It’s almost like we are living two lives in one house . I’m trying to find things to do for myself to make me happy and give me meaning in life. Am I unacceptable to him to share his good and bad times? What am I? How did I get stuck in a relationship like this? I don’t need to be accepted. I’m fine just like I am. I am amazing. I am incredible. If I can’t live with anyone what am I supposed to do?
What I wrote on Facebook:
This year - 2014-is the first time in my life that I realize that I’m not afraid; not afraid of dying (congenital heart patient); not afraid of disappointing my children (three adult girls and 4 adults step children and 6 grandchildren); I’m not afraid of being alive (I choose every day to be healthier and more vibrant); I’m not afraid of speaking my thoughts (goal of self-expression) and I’m not afraid of NOT being perfect. I’m taking the Fear to Freedom course looking at what’s keeping me stuck and unstuck because I want to clean up my clutter. I care about aging right now, how to age gracefully and get healthier. There are so many people I could help when I am open to calling them and discussing their personal stuff. I haven't felt worthy to share and be open when things are stuck inside. My husband has an aging partner and the pressure to buy him out and him to agree to retire comes into our home and creates a distinct challenge and pressure that sometimes wants to explode our relationship. Some of the exercises bring up fear and memories. Others are stimulating and rewarding to become and "get it" and restore confidence and remember al
l the goodness in my life. I thank God for the tools to address these are becoming available and that is another form of freedom of
expression that is bubbling up inside too! I've written the thesis for a new speaking platform called "The Brave Heart Shift" which deals with families and the dysfunctional communication patterns that exist in most. Training myself to get myself very clear enables me to communicate with clarity and distinctions that will change the family dynamic to a judgment free environment leading to a judgment free society. Nevertheless I am accepted for who I am. I’m fine just like I am. I am amazing. I am incredible. I am choosing my path to more freedom and it feels really good. I feel like a fresh Spring where the leaves of the trees, the flowers and the earth shines brightly with little drops of rain and sometimes a storm but the sun ALWAYS rises!